Heartbeat

Sometimes it seems my clothes still wear you
Sometimes I dream my bed still shares you
Sometimes I feel much smaller than I am
Like I could comfortably fit in the palm of your hand

Sometimes my heart beats irregularly, skips
And sometimes I’m acutely aware of this
And long ignored advice that I should get that checked
And unopened referrals and random diagnoses
Exacerbated I’m sure, by addictions, insatiable
And I wonder how, in my thirties
I’ve come to believe I’m invincible

My heart skips again
This time for reasons not physical
And I’m small again
Curled in a ball again
Resting, at 90bpm
Climb the walls then
Watch the room spin
See the colours dim
Close my eyes and know
I haven’t died, again

October 2010 Derek Wilson

~ by Derek Wilson on October 17, 2010.